


Santa VS Jisoo

by Goldenglare29



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas Play, Crack, Hoshi is Santa, Jeonghan plays the virgin, Jisoo christ, M/M, Seokmin be a teacher, Theatre class, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, how do I even tag this, inspired by Brandon Rogers theatre class
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28287633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldenglare29/pseuds/Goldenglare29
Summary: "Tonight is the opening night for our christmas special: Santa vs Jesus. A Christmas showdown." Mr Lee Seokmin said to the Camera.SEVENTEEN & a Christmas play.What could possibly go wrong?Well....apart from everything(This is hopefully gonna make you smile I guess😂)
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	Santa VS Jisoo

**Author's Note:**

> Speaking Key: 
> 
> Normal font = Korean  
> 𝐁𝐨𝐥𝐝 = english  
> 𝘐𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘴 = whispering
> 
> Ps: most of the dialogue is from this video

"Tonight is the opening night for our christmas special: Santa vs Jesus. A Christmas showdown." Mr Lee Seokmin said to the Camera. The young teacher was wearing a Santa outfit which suited the occasion very well. "Follow me, Follow me" he beckoned to the camera. The person behind the camera was Wen Junhui, also known as Jun, who sighed quietly before following his theatre teacher.

"Over here is my favourite student. Hong Jisoo" Mr Lee said Yanking Jisoos head towards the camera. The boy stared blankly at the camera before going back to reading his script. "He is going to be playing our lord and saviour Jisoo Christ"

Mr Lee stepped to the left and stood next to another one of his students.

"And this over here is our Tech & Lighting Crew, Xu Minhao" Mr Lee said.

"I try to make sure we don't blend into the light because of how much white washing we go through" He said before sipping his drink.

"Is that alcohol" Jun asked

"Well yeah...I need something to calm my nerves" Minghao replied.

"Your not supposed to have alcohol on campus" Jun said

"And I'm legally not allowed to drive because I got 7 DUI's but here I am" Mr Lee said with a wide smile before walking off to find another student.

"THIS IS CHOI SEUNGCHEol!" He declared

"I'm in charge of the props!" Seungcheol said holding up a rifle.

"Which look pretty real if I do say so myself" Mr Lee said grabbing the rifle and pulling the trigger...

Let's just say the gun was in fact real.

"AH" Mr Lee said dropping it to the floor. "AGAIN! DAMNIT!"

———

"Mr Lee has been drilling us for days on loosing weight so that we can fit into our costumes" Yoon Jeonghan said wearing a white blanketwith ablue Mattress cover on top of his head. As you can guess he would be playing the Virgin... I mean Virgin Mary. "It's not our fault he can't afford the adult size costumes"

*flashback to 10 minutes ago*

Everyone was wearing their costumes and doing push-ups on the floor. Most of them had just resorted to face planting on the floor.

"Faster! Let's go" theirdance instructor yelled. Otherwise known as Dino

"Mr Lee hired a high schooler to train us college kids for the performance" Jeonghan Voice overed.

"Lift those knees!" Dino yelled

"Slow down sugar. I'm diabetic" Hoshi said raising a hand.

"And I'm missing my geography test to train you all so hurry up!" Dino yelled.

The group passed out onto the floor causing Dino to look up straight into the camera 'the office' style.

——- *insert epic intro here😂*———

"ATTENTION!" Mr Lee shouted while shutting the door. "Class this is the schools president Lee Jihoon" he declared.

Minghao, who had been checking the sound audio, had only heard half of what was said, clapped loudly.

"THE PRESIDENT!" He said loudly while looking at everyone else who was standing boredly.

"I never thought anyone would travel to see our show. Especially not from Washington D.C" he said to the camera.

"Um that's not- you know what, you're cute soNevermind." Jun said.

"Seokmin, I'm gonna be honest with you. Next semester is not looking good here" Jihoon said to Mr Lee in the corner of the room.

"Ha tell me about it" Mr Lee said while laughing.

"This may be theatres last week at Carat College" Jihoon said seriously.

"Theatre is a strong breed of academics-" Mr Lee started only to Get interrupted by Jihoon.

"Theatre is a dying breed, Seokmin. I came here tonight simply to make sure that we're making the right decision" Jihoon said.

Mr Lees face was frozen in a stupidly shocked expression before he looked straight into the camera.

————-

Everyone was getting ready and Jun had placed the camera on the makeup table just as Jeonghan had sat down to apply some lip gloss.

Seungcheol walked over, making sure no one noticed him. He leaned in to Kiss Jeonghan only for the other to dart away.

_"What are you doing?"_ Jeonghan questioned looking at the other.

" _Oh come on. Don't pretend you don't want any of this. Especially after Tuesday night"_ Seungcheol said

_"Keep it down. As far as anyone else is concerned nothing happened between us"_ Jeonghan replied

" _WE F****d!!"_ Seungcheol whisper/yelled.

" _We barely F-ed!"_ Jeonghan said back. _"And I swear to god if you say anything that'll ruin these kids innocence. I will slander you to death in the schools newspaper."_

———outside——-

**"You're spending too much time with these theatre people, Joshua. You're missing our movie nights. "** Vernon, Joshua's Bestfriend said in English.

**"The semester is almost over. Just let me off just this once"** joshua pleaded to the other.

**"Then what? You and that teacher seem close"** Vernon replied. **"When was the last time that we hung out?"**

**"When we went bungee jumping"** Joshua answered.

**"That was 2 years ago Joshua!"** Vernon exclaimed.

**"It's Jisoo"** Joshua corrected.

" **That's your stage name Joshua. Not your bro name. When can we start hanging out again like we used to"** Vernon said

The camera pans to the left just as Seungkwan came walking over. Fully confident of what he was going to say in English.

**"I eat my own boogers"** Seungkwan said with a smile before walking away with a smile.

Vernon looked on with a shocked and kinda disgusted face.

———confession time——-

"Jisoo's been teaching me how to speak English for the past two months" Seungkwan said holding an urn with the words MILF on it.

**"I still wet the bed** that means I am a smart person" he said with a smile.

———back in the classroom———

Everyone was holding hands and had formed a circle.

"I am so proud of all of you" Mr Lee said. "It is amazing to see how much all of you have bonded since the start of this semester"

The camera pans to Seungkwan who stares blankly at the floor recalling how many times he's been the victim of the groups pranks.

"Oh oh. Some have bonded more Than others" Seungcheol said dressed as an elf.

Jeonghan violently nudged him.

"It's been amazing to see how much you all have exploded with charisma around eachother" Mr Lee said with tear filled eyes.

"Or inside each other" Seungcheol said.

Jeonghan elbowed him in the stomach before smiling sweetly like and angel.

"Now when you guys step out there on stage. The audience May scare you. They may intimidate you. Which is why I brought 15 milligrams of ketamine hydrochloride" Mr Lee said holding up a tube.

"That's a horse tranquilliser" Joshua said in disbelief.

"In so many words, yes" Mr Lee said with a smile.

"That's illegal to have on campus" Joshua said

"Hmm what was that?" Mr Lee said ignoring the other.

"Did you guys clone yourselves or has there always been 3 of you all" Minghao said looking dizzy.

"And he is drunk" Jeonghan said.

"Um so alright. The doors are gonna open and in are gonna flood a crowd full of enthusiastic people. I want you to give them all you've got." Mr Lee said pointing at the door.

Everyone was silent apart from Seungcheol who looked like a ballon about to burst.

"MeandJeonghanhadsex." He rushed out.

Jeonghan turned to him with wide eyes and a pissed off expression.

"It was during the sleepover in the handicapped stall in the bathroom. Oh god I can finally breath" he said.

Jeonghan muttered a string of unholy words.

"I use that stall" Seungkwan said looking down at the floor.

"You guys had sex without asking me first!" Mr Lee said

"You just made a powerful enemy bitch" Hoshi said.

"Oh god. You know what lord. I'm ready, beam me up" Jeonghan said looking up.

"Look guys we really don't need this kind of negative energy right now" Joshua said

"Yes. Jisoo is right. Everybody good luck" Mr Lee said

Everyone groaned.

"I mean break a leg" Mr Lee Corrected.

———confession time———

"I usually don't attend anything fun" Mr Kim Mingyu said wearing a red cardigan and looking straight into the camera.

"But I try to make an appearance a All the deans events" He said.

The camera showed a clip of Mingyu smiling sweetly from the opposite side of the room at the Dean who slowly turned around.

"...I never had any suicidal thoughts. And then I hired Mingyu." The Dean, Jeon Wonwoo said into the camera.

———back in the classroom———

"Welcome to the show that'll end all shows. Prepare to be amazed. Prepare to be dazzled" Mr Lee said holding a giant candy cane.

"Let's just get on with it please" Mingyu said.

"Enjoy the show" Mr Lee said rushed before walking off the stage.

The lights dimmed.

Before a spotlight wandered across the stage before landing on Kwon Soonyoung, otherwise known as Hoshi. Who was wearing a Santa Claus outfit...that looked like it belonged in a strip club.

He turned around with his fake beard on just as the Christmassy music started playing. On both sides of him were Seungcheol and Seungkwan who were both dressed as over the top elves.

"🎵woooahhhhh. Woaoahhhh. Yeah yeah yeahhh!🎵" He sung while shaking his booty.

"🎵have I been naughty or nice

I'm not friggin Jesus Christ

I'm better in every way

IM THE ONLY ONE SUPPORTINGGAAAAYYYYYYss!🎵" He sung with elaborate hand movements.

The audience were not impressed. Apart from Jihoon who looked shocked with a smug Wonwoo sitting next to him.

"🎵go away Jesus I'm better than you

Go back to your tomb

You spiteful dude.

Children like my holiday better that yours.

At least mine doesn't have Virgin whooorrreeee!🎵" Hoshi continued.

Someone from the audience stood up and left.

"🎵Virgin whores" Seungcheol and Seungkwan sung.

The camera panned to Mr Lee who was in the closet Dancing.

Suddenly the Music changed and the camera panned to the back of the classroom where the lights suddenly illuminated Jeonghan who was indeed dressed as the Virgin Mary.

The bedsheet wrapped around his body hung loosely. And then suddenly. Jisoos Christ crawled out from between his legs.

Standing up with a bible and dressed like a priest. Joshua stood up and started to rap.

"🎵Santa Claus you're in way over your head.

The Easter hunny tried the same wound up dead

Give it up bitch you're old and fat

Imma blow you away with ma ratatata🎵" He rapped

"🎵Jesus is stupid🎵"Seungcheol and Seungkwan jeered

"Whatever" Joshua replied.

"🎵don't judge ma son he works around the clock

He's gonna pimp slap you with his nine inch c-" Jeonghan sung before the camera pans to mr Lee.

"As you can see the audience isn't laughing very much but that's because they're trying to take in the show and absorb it" Mr Lee said

The camera then panned back over to the show.

"🎵my son, my son

avenge me~" Jeonghan sung. He had kneeled and held up a rifle.

"I will take this gun and I will find Santa Claus" Joshua said before he suddenly got popcorn thrown at him.

Camera pans to Vernon in the crowd throwing popcorn.

"I will avenge us all- **will you stop that!** " Joshua said turning to Vernon.

" **Look at what you're doing Joshua. Your wasting your time with these low-lifes"** Vernon said.

**"These 'low life's' are my friends!"** Joshua replied.

**"Oh really. What about the small drama queen you always complain about smelling like urine?"** Vernon said

"WHAT? You said that about me?" Seungkwan interjected looking at Joshua.

"It's not like that" Joshua said in defence.

"Ladies and gentlemen i apologise for the drama queen here. Just ignore him and enjoy the show." Mr Lee said. "Come on let's go" He said grabbing Seungkwan.

*insert war flashbacks to the times Seungkwan has been called a drama queen*

Seungkwan punched Mr Lee in the face.

Yes. He did.

"SEUNGKWAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Seuncheol said trying to yank him off mr lee.

"AHHHH!" Seungkwan said while slapping Mr Lee.

Everyone was sister shocked.

"I've been waiting for This moment. And it's finally here!" Minghao said holding the horse tranquilliser before aiming it at Seungkwan and blowing into it.

Only for it to miss and hit out lord and saviour Jisoos Christ.

"AGHHHHHH!" Seungkwan said stills punching Mr Lee.

"Y'all calm down I got this" Minghao said. Still drunk.

He shot again only for it to hit Hoshi who took it out saying 'not too bad' and throwing it into the audience...

Hitting Mr Kim. Who fainted onto the chair.

"Last one I swear" Minghao said before finally hitting Seungkwan in the spine.

"Do you see why I suggested that we cut all theatre extra curricular classes?" Dean Wonwoo said. "This is the kinda of immature, poorly put together shows we get"he said.

Jihoon who was still shocked. Nodded his head.

"You're absolutely right. We should cut all theatre class..." Jihoon said.

Wonwoo nodded in agreement.

"We should cut all extra curricular classes and just convert into a theatre school." Jihoon continued.

Wonwoos jaw hit the floor.

"And Mr Lee will be the Dean of it so you're being demoted." Jihoon said.

"This is outrageous!" Wonwoo said.

"Get out of this classroom now. If you can't appreciate this masterpiece you shouldn't see it" Jihoon finalised.

Wonwoo got up to leave. Only to get hit on the head by one of the spotlight which fell from the ceiling. Don't worry the worst that he could get is a concussion...I think.

"You liked it?" Mr Lee asked from the floor with a bloodied nose.

"That was the most thrilling experience I've had since I ran over an obnoxious kid last week!" Jihoon said.

Jihoon cautiously weaved his way past the bodies littering the floor.

"Seokmin" he said

"Please. Call me Mr Lee" The latter said from the floor.

"You're getting a promotion." Jihoon said before getting up and leaving.

Mr Lee looked straight into the camera with a smirk.

"I don't get paid enough for this shit." Jun said pressing stop record on the camera.

——— 2 days later———-

Seungkwan was sitting in a wheelchair facing the camera.

"Turns out" he said "if you get hit in the spine with a tranquilliser, you loose your legs for life..."

———the end———


End file.
